Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
