Well apparently he's into motor boating.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
