Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
