Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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