My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
