1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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