Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
