The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
