i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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