If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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