I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
