The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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