Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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