I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
