Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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