Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
