Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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