so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
