hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
