Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think I am morally bankrupt
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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