I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
