it wasn't lemon gatorade
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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