Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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