I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
