So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
