At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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