yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
