we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
