ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
