My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
