oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
