Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
