I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
