ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
