This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
