umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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