Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
