i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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