there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Houston, we have a blender
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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