Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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