I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
