I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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