Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
