Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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