The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
