i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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