There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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