Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
