i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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