grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
