john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
