Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sponge bath it is.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
