Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
